This is one of those mornings that I really hate. It is a peaceful morning and a beautiful day outside. And as I have for all of my adult life I don't have anyone to share this beautiful morning with. I have never truly experienced that companionship. Someone to make breakfast for or to make breakfast for me. Or to share this Saturday while shopping, doing yardwork or finding something fun to do. And I know some who do get to enjoy that type of life. They seem to enjoy their day well.
I try not to envy those who share life with someone, but it is hard when I am alone on days like this. Not that I have to have anyone around. I do like the peace and quiet. But I did not ask for it to be a lifetime of that. I have been single for my entire adult life, never having any luck in finding that "relationship". I think I came close once, but that turned out to be a joke on me.
A few people that know me know that this is an old issue that I have and occasionally rant about via e-mail. And I'll probably rant about this often in my blog. At least until my luck changes.
Sometimes I give up on the bullshit process of meeting people and that is because of the bullshit that you have to go through. And the bullshit reasons that people use in their rejection of me. Everyone wants someone with model good looks and I certainly dont have that. And I think that so many are stuck up and full of themselves because they may be attractive and or successful or have one of those happy-everythings beautiful kind of lives. And I may not have a place in that life. Almost always, I am "not their type" so I am told. Well how the hell would you know that if you don't take the time to know ME? (I can never get anyone to answer that damn question!)
Now I have to admit that there are many things that I could do and many have suggested going to bars and clubs to meet people or to move to a larger city where the potential dating pool would be larger. But I dont drink and cannot stand the bar/club environment. Also, I grew up in the larger urban environment. No luck there at all, the bitches in the city are more evil in their rejection than the country folk. Its all about attitude and I have little tolorance for the attitudes of the city. And I can't afford the high cost of living in the city. Not to mention the traffic. So with all of that that I wont put up with here I am....still single with little chance of changing that status anytime soon.
Please don't tell me that "special person" will finally come into my life! I heard that shit back in my mid 20s. Then again in my early 30's. Now I dont even tell my age because at this point it could be embarassing for people to know that I have never been involved with anyone. Never dated, no long term relationships, nothing. Only a couple of times when I may have met someone online only to fool myself into thinking that maybe that could turn into something. At least there I did make a couple friends who I do maintain contact with.
I spend way too much time complaining about being single, but 20 years of trying and failing are taking a toll. I dont even have an "ex" to talk about. Everyone I know at least has that much to reflect on. Not me!
Well enough of my "sick of being single" rant for today. I have to go out and run some errands along with the happy couples and families that I will see at the bank, the shopping centers and Home Depot. They'll be working together in their lives and I'll wish that they stop holding up the line at the cashier counter! And I better not go anywhere near the Starbucks. The happy couples sitting there enjoying their latte' really depress me. I'll get a "crapaccino" from the gas station instead. My boring single life as usual.
At least the weather is nice today.
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