86 is a lot of years so why do gay men condemn 40?

Last weekend we lost a great lady and a great talent with the passing of Beatrice Arthur at the age of 86.





As a member of the gay community I can tell you that there are a lot of gay fans of “The Golden Girls”, the television show where the late Bea Arthur was best known especially to younger generations as one of the great old ladies who shared a house in Miami during their retirement. I am showing my age in saying that I am one who appreciated Bea Arthur more in her first popular television role as “Maude” in the 1970’s. My mother watched “Maude” when I was a child and I continued to watch “Maude” when it was shown in daily reruns from the 1970’s into the 1980’s and later when cable networks like Nick at Nite and TVLand briefly presented “Maude”. I was never much of a “Golden Girls” fan. I didn’t dislike the show. I just didn’t watch much of it.





Just last year the actress Estelle Getty died. She played “Sophia”, the mother to Bea Arthur’s “Dorothy” character on “The Golden Girls” even though the late Estelle Getty was actually younger than the late Miss Arthur. Fans of “The Golden Girls” were saddened by the loss as they are saddened by this most recent loss. I don’t blame them but because of the fans I have to get something off my chest.

Before I go into my rant I celebrate the life of the late Beatrice Arthur and I appreciate her for all of her talent on the stage, television and in the movies. My favorite of Bea Arthur’s movie appearances is an uncredited role in Mel Brooks’ “History of The World part One”. She provided a couple of great minutes to the comedy film as only Bea Arthur could, brash, bold and beautifully expressed.





Now on to my rant.





I would like to inform GAY MEN especially that after a few days it is completely OK to get over it and move on with your lives. Bea Arthur’s passing several days ago was not the end of the world. She was EIGHTY SIX YEARS OLD! Most of you queens condemn gay men to death at age 40 and some of you are still crying over the death of an 86 year old woman? The same men who with their behavior may not live half as long as Bea Arthur let alone admit they are half as old as she was are calling gay talk shows on satalite radio crying in disbelief and some are still posting blogs, joining groups and one TEXT MESSAGED me a poem on the death of Bea Arthur.





Now I don’t get that many text messages, but the one I got from someone was over the top. Rather than text the drama queen back I decided to express myself this way as many of you need to understand that it is fine to grieve over a loved one. It is fine to grieve over the loss of a pet. It is fine to grieve over the loss of someone you idolized. But it is also fine to get over it.

Now I mentioned that gay men tend to believe that you are “over the hill” at age 30 and for gay men life appears to be over at age 40. At least that is how some of us who ARE over 30 and 40 are treated.

I know of MANY gay males who changed the age on their MySpace profile to reflect an age that is younger than their real age. I won’t reveal names but I am 100% sure that some of you reading this are either guilty or know someone who is guilty of lying about their age. One person has been age 30 for about 3 years now and another one went from age 32 to real age 34 and suddenly reversed to age 26 probably so he could fit in with all the young friends he has on and offline.





Oh I know I stepped on some toes there. But that’s ok. I don’t hold a grudge. I am growing old gracefully and have the gray hairs to prove it. I started going gray right at age 40. I’m not crying over it but I have been keeping my head shaved for over a decade. I can hide it and not dye it.





But back to Bea Arthur, don’t get me wrong, I was saddened by the death of Bea Arthur too and I posted a few items on MySpace and Facebook in the initial reaction to the news of her death. All of that took place on the first day. Her death did not dominate my conversations with people for the next week. It just began to disturb me when especially the youngest gay males began to overdramatize Bea Arthur’s passing.





If you are under the age of 35, most of you probably didn’t watch Maude nor were you old enough to know BEATRICE Arthur’s talent and pioneering for equal women’s rights with her TV show in the 1970’s or the comedic TV appearances on TV variety shows or celebrity roasts and her brief movie appearances. 99% of any references to Bea Arthur’s career after her death were for “The Golden Girls” while there was so much more before it.





Anyway, we all mourn her loss. Life goes on and I wish that people would look to the life and talent of people like Bea Arthur and begin to develop their own real and true self. Cause as we lose more people from the generations of a Bea Arthur we also lose our foundation. They laid that foundation for the rest of us to build on, not to feed off of.





Rest in Peace Beatrice Arthur. You deserve to rest as you completed a mountain of work that most of us left behind are too lazy to tackle.





Now everyone else ESPECIALLY THE GAY MALE, get over it, stop crying and try to do at least a third as much good with your life as Beatrice Arthur did with hers.





I can only imagine how many gay bois from the South will be crying like a toddler who broke his toy when one of the people from “Designing Women” dies. Georgia alone will probably shut down for a month of mourning.